The Taste of Ash Still Lingers
by marcasite
Summary: those fragments of dreams you can’t shake and it makes her wistful...Donna Noble post-Journey's End


_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me_

_-Evanescence_

It's a Thursday morning when her mother casually asks her if she is interested in new job opportunity. Her friend, Denise, knows somebody, who knows somebody and can help her with this position.

Donna rolls her eyes, not ready to endure another round of 'Sylvia nags Donna', but she simply nods her head says 'sure, that sounds fine.'

Her mother only looks at her, pity shadowing her eyes and Donna wonders (not for the first time) why she's such a disappointment to her.

Donna interviews for the job and is hired straight away. No more temp positions for this girl, she's now a real secretary in a permanent position.

But the joy of landing a secure job is diminished with the vague feeling that something is missing and she's not entirely sure what.

* * *

It's a quiet night in May, when she agrees to meet Neris for a drink after work. Neris is already there when she arrives, talking animatedly to a tall man with his back to her. Donna approaches them and smiles readily at him.

"Donna," Neris leans over excitedly, "come and meet Jack."

For an agonizing minute, Donna knows that name, remembers how handsome he was-

His voice is quiet, cutting through the flash of her memories. "It's nice to meet you. Do you two work together?"

But as she looks at this stranger, she realizes that she doesn't know him at all and wishes she knew who the dark haired stranger in her memories is.

She discounts it as fragments of dreams you can't shake and it makes her wistful; she's not really sure why.

* * *

She sits with her gramps and keeps him company as he stargazes. He still treks up to his perch, his only respite from the banality of the daily nothing.

He's quieter these days, an edge of worry laced in his eyes. Donna doesn't know what has changed but understands that something has.

"What do you think you're going to find up there, Gramps?"

He doesn't look away from the telescope, but gently takes her hand in his, "You never know, darling. There's magic in the stars, haven't I always said that?"

But there's a tinge of sadness in his voice and she's left wondering if he knows more than he says.

* * *

The secretarial position her mother had suggested, has been working out perfectly and for the first time Donna is not plagued with insecurities or self-doubt. She's good at her job and is finally starting to show signs of confidence in her abilities. Her new boss seems to agree, raising her salary slightly.

To Donna, it's a boon meant to be enjoyed.

She tells her mother that she's moving, moving closer to her new job and finally living on her own. Sylvia bites her lip, refusing to say the first thoughts that cross her mind. She looks at her daughter, full of hope and refuses to take that from her.

She simply moves to the kitchen and starts to open doors, "You'll need some things when you move."

_He would be so proud of her._

Donna doesn't know where that thought came from or who _he _is, and the part that frustrates her most, is that she _knows _that he would be.

* * *

"Donna! Donna!"

She turns at the sound of her name, staring as a woman races up to her. She's beautiful, hair the color of midnight with cocoa colored skin. She stares in confusion as the woman rambles on about coming up from Cardiff, asking about a doctor, meeting her fiancé. The lady takes a step back in the wake of Donna's silence and covers her mouth. Understanding dawns in her eyes and she starts to step backwards.

"You have no idea who I am." It's a statement. "What has he done?"

Donna starts to respond, but the woman is already walking away and she swears she can hear her muttering, "I'm sorry, so sorry."

"Wait! Wait, who are you?"

But she's gone and Donna is left with the feeling that she is missing something, something so very important.

* * *

In the silence between sleep and awareness, her name comes to Donna with startling clarity.

_Martha_. Her name is Martha.

Donna doesn't understand how she knows that and is plagued with the heavy feeling of regret.

* * *

She meets a man called Lee, who speaks softly and very deliberately. Donna suspects that in his youth he may have stuttered so she is patient with him, surprising herself. She doesn't know what it is about this man that attracts her but he's funny and seems to like her.

She's content with that.

The days and weeks pass in a blur, her mother's visit becoming more and more scarce. Sylvia avoids the truth, she's never been very good at lying and she's not entirely sure she can face this new life of hers. But when she does visit, she brings happy tales of Chiswick; of her friends and their neighbors. She doesn't nag Donna but encourages her to come home to see her gramps, he misses her a lot.

Donna wonders if her mother misses her at all.

* * *

Sometimes in that moment right before dusk, when the stars start to come out from hiding, she can see _him. _This man, this fascinating man; too thin for tastes, but still amazing. She knew this strange man, traveled with him, the closest friend she's ever had.

And sometimes, when she looks very, very closely at the stars, she can hear him say to her, "You are brilliant."

Maybe, just maybe, she really is.


End file.
